shooting star

i wish i could remember every person and every event in all my life. life is so crazy that we never stop to appreciate anymore. reading is my greatest love, something i will never give up. it takes me away and lets me remember. i wish i have more time to read now.

lately, these are the things i've been obsessed with.

"You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever."
-Mr. Darcy


For almost 90 years, I've walked among my kind, and yours...all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet.
-Edward Cullen


Could a dead, frozen heart break? It felt like mine would.
"Edward", Bella said.
I froze, staring at her unopened eyes.
Had she woken, caught me here? She looked asleep, yet her voice had been so clear.
She sighed a quiet sigh, and then moving restlessly again, rolling to her side - still fast asleep and dreaming.
"Edward", she mumbled softly.
She was dreaming of me.
Could a dead, frozen heart beat again? It felt like mine was about to.

Allie: Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it's too late.
Noah: I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year.
Allie: You wrote me?
Noah: Yes... it wasn't over, it still isn't over.

My Mom died suddenly on September 4th, 2006.

After she died, I realised how much she'd been shielding me from my father's mental state.

He doesn't have alzheimers, but he has no short-term memory, and is often lost.

I took him to the funeral, but when we got home, he kept asking me every 15 minutes, where my mother was. I had to explain over and over again, that she had died.

This was shocking news to him.

Why had no-one told him?
Why hadn't I taken him to the funeral?
Why hadn't he visited her in the hospital?

He had no memory of these events.

After a while, I realised I couldn't keep telling him his wife had died. He didn't remember, and it was killing both of us, to constantly re-live her death.

I decided to tell him she's gone to Paris, to take care of her brother, who was sick.

And thats where she is now.

This is a journal.

An ongoing record of my father, and of our relationship.

For whatever days we have left together.

"days with my father, Phillip Toledano"

http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/

twilight

"Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason.. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire – there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore, and there was no more reason for anything."

Its now 5am and I have to be at college by 10, which means I get about 2-3 hours of sleep.
Its my fault I couldn't resist and went shopping today.
Anyway, I have given up on drawing plans and sections. I'll be screwed anyway, either for not finishing or for doing a bad job.
I'm off to bed.

Pictures from my Bukit Tinggi trip :)
I like how the first one turned out.

Holy cow..

..Yoshiki has an autobiography book! O_O Lyd says there's only one left in Kinokuniya, and I don't know if I can be the one to get it. Gah!

Its 4am, and raining really heavily. And what am I doing? Not in my bed sleeping. Suddenly, I'm wondering how is everyone. I haven't seen anybody in ages except my coursemates. I miss you people!! These few days have been pretty eventful. Was at college on Thurs till about 230am, had to drive home, and mine was the only car on the road. I tried really hard not to look at my rear mirror. I really don't recall ever being so hardworking in all 20 years of my life. I think I'm paying back for it now.

Went to GDP Architects yesterday, to interview this dude for Theories assignment. Was about 1 hour late because we drove past the place earlier, and didn't recognise it. 45 minutes, after getting directions from my Dad, we reached the same place again. That dude was pretty decent, he reminded me of Mr Redzwan; same ideals, same way of thinking, same way of looking at things. If there are still architects like that in Malaysia, why don't we have better buildings? I don't even want to know.

Lately, I'm very into furniture shopping. The other day, I bought a new white table and white book rack from Ikea, and rearranged the furnitures in my room. There goes my salary.

Event job at Petronas; one of the centerpieces on the table. That's what I do after setting up, secretly take pictures.

At times like these..

.. I am reminded of my desperation to leave this place.

And how easy it would be, despite what everyone says, to let go of everything I have here.

Maybe once I get over my anger and disappointment, I may find a reason to appreciate what I have, and be thankful that I'm actually still here, but right now, I swear I can't think of a single reason. I'm not sure if I even want to.

3 years seems like an eternity to me.
I wonder if I'll be able to successfully leave this place ? And what will happen to me if I don't ?
I'd go crazy.

Finally,

..its September. Last month of college! Also, Dan Brown's new book is coming out in 2 weeks \o\/o/

Had Minor, and sat through a really gross insect documentary for one hour (I spent 45 minutes of that with my eyes closed), as research for our final project. We're doing a calender. Oh Lord. The final projects are always the hardest. Gah, gotta run. Will be spending the night in college cause my classmates booked a studio.