"whom can i ask what i came to make happen in this world?"

from Pablo Neruda's 'The Book of Questions'.

I finally found it!!

1 more month till I'm done with both internship + this semester!

Finally, I won't have Minor classes anymore.

I have to say this, they're a waste of time, really.

After (nearly) 4 semesters, I'm still wondering what I (am supposed to) have learnt.

I am already dreading the next semester.

Only because I feel as if I'm losing the.. drive to continue on.

After 3 years, I feel like.. you know what? I'm done with this.

I WANT to be done with this....

I don't want to do this!

Nut asked what am I going to do after I graduate and I answered;

"Something else that isn't so mentally challenging."

People at my office are telling me to go back when I graduate. My supervisor wants me to work on until June and I nearly choked on the drink I was having then. It was all I could do not to scream NOO! (yes, I am THAT horrified). They could be saying it out of politeness but still, I doubt I will. Not doubt. I'm sure I won't.

I still don't know yet, what I'm trying to achieve but I know I won't find it there.

Plus, lately everyone there has been annoying me with (really obvious) hints of how K should do something before I leave. WHY do people do that? I'm not into him, and I'm certainly not going to be pressured into being into him.. oh Lord. PEOPLE.

I've been trying to avoid them by actually driving out all the way to PJ Old Town to meet Lyd for lunch. (That is how desperate I am to avoid their comments)

I hope April will be over soon.

A book I've been waiting for is coming out on April 5th! Yayy!

i wish i could put together fragments of everyone's dreams and build something new again

I was going to name this post 'the day CY found ultimate yaoi porno in Borders', but that would be slightly inappropriate.
She did find it though. She walked into Borders, Bangsar during lunch and found Viewfinder, in English!
Very surprising. I was quite sure they had banned English yaoi comics in all the bookstores here ever since someone reported them in Kinokuniya a long time ago.
And Viewfinder is one of the.... more hardcore titles.
Still, this is awesome!
Now, how do I hide them?

The other day, I heard Yung mention this organization called MERCY Malaysia, and I am interested in joining as a volunteer. The reply I got from certain family members was "Don't be stupid."
Dad may have mellowed out a little but not that much, I guess.. to allow me to travel to a disaster-ridden country for services.
On one hand, I can directly point out that I am at a legal age where I do not require consent from said parents to do this, but on the other.. I do respect their opinions (even if I do not agree most of the time). I am also aware that I am currently tied down by other priorities like classes and work. I wish I could do something more than just reading and being sympathetic though.
Also, I wish our country would stop making us all look like fools living in caves. First, the insensitive comic strip, and now the insensitive comment from a person who is supposed to represent our country. I am so ashamed of my nationality that I actually erased it from my fb account.

when that day finally arrives nothing will matter anymore

Earthquake, tsunami, aftershocks, mounting casualties.. possible nuclear radiation, evacuations and power blackouts...
I've been reading CNN and BBC news religiously, and it's heartbreaking.
I've seen videos and satellite photos of Japan before and after the disasters, and it's frankly sickening.
To know that so many houses, buildings, cars, lives.. were swept away or burnt to the ground.
It feels almost weird to be going on about our lives just like any other day; work, college, shopping, even driving.. when somewhere on the other side, peoples lives are falling apart.
Somewhere else, there are things more important than meeting a deadline, getting to school on time or finishing a homework.
This is a hard slap in the face telling you.. you know what? In the end, everything you have, everything you ever owned could be taken away that easily.
This is not the first time I feel as if we are only small LEGO-like figures in the hands of a higher being.
We could all be swiped away just like that, by a careless hand.

At least, my Jappy teachers have replied and said they're both fine, although experiencing shortage in food supply.. and of course, occasional tremors.. still.
I hope all the J-rockers are fine too :S

My ass of a classmate actually commented saying he would like to experience a tsunami.
And that is the most insensitive thing I have ever heard anyone say.
It is not even remotely funny, as he most likely thinks it is.
There are people dying out there, missing or dead.. and here in the safety of our country's geographic location, he thinks it is all fun and games.
If he was in Japan at that time, he'd most likely be the idiot who runs to get a closer look and the first to die.

And I repeat, this is NOT 2012. This is what we have done to the Earth.
This is not Mother Nature being cruel. This is what we have done to incite her wrath.
And this is not about prayers. This is about actually doing something with more substance.
I haven't found a call for donations yet. If only I could be a volunteer, I would.

Satellite Photos; Japan Before and After Tsunami
Images of Japan

"ironically, individuality is not a trait shared by everyone"

Just as I was leaving work yesterday, there was (quite) a huge commotion at my office as everyone read the news of the earthquake that hit Japan.
On the way home, Lyd called to tell me about it too. And while we were discussing about the situation in Japan, if there was anyone we knew and if they were okay (she has a (distant) family there, and I have my 2 Jappy teachers), we also couldn't help but notice EVERYONE making some sort of connection to 2012.
Really, guys.. do you think that's helping with the situation?
How about concentrating on what's going on NOW, rather than what we all think may (or may not) happen next year.

Parents + Yung left for Penang today, so Lyd came over to take me out for lunch and we came back for a Supernatural marathon. (Dean Winchester!)
There is actually a reason why I do not watch the series, and Lyd knows it.. but for some reason still thinks I should -_- So, I spent the rest of the afternoon hiding behind the cushion.
I still think our day would have been better spent with the XBox.
Now I'm home alone because she can't stay over, and my brothers have conveniently chose tonight to go to Zouk. Which means I won't expect them home until (at the very least) 7am.
And random scenes from Supernatural keep popping up in my head. Gah.
Aah. I can't sleep, knowing I'm alone at home.
Guess it's a movie marathon night.

the week that passed and the week yet to pass

Small event job last Friday (only Lyd, Nutty, CY and I) at IOI Resort, aka some place really far away.
While we were setting up the hall, the band guys came in for sound-check, and this guy had a really awesome-sounding bass that I actually stopped tying ribbons to listen to him.

Finally, our promotional video submission on Monday. It wasn't really what I had in mind, but hey, it's a group project and I can't always have the final say. I think it's funny though, that Mr Redzwan and I had the same thoughts while watching the video; that somewhere along the way, the video turned out more to be 'love story in KL' than 'let's promote KL!'. But whatever, as long as I have it out of the way.

See, this is one of the reasons why I dread going out sometimes, because I ALWAYS end up at a bookstore. I finally found the January issue of Nylon Guys with the X-Japan (Yoshiki) interview! :)

But right now, high above Manhattan, [Yoshiki] Hayashi ponders himself as a superhero. Does he have superpowers? "I may," he says, then laughs. "I don't know yet." Does he have a tragic flaw? A secret weakness? "Hmmm," he says, turning the question over for a while, then finally answering: "Loneliness".

Aww :(

on the other hand, i am now the proud owner of...

4 days to submission and we're not done!
I should start panicking right about.... now.
I'm thinking of taking the day off on Friday just to work on editing the images and video.
At the last count, we exceed the time limit by 30 seconds, which might not sound like a big deal...
but I think it is.
But when we tried editing some extra parts out to fit 1 minute, the video looked really choppy..
Should we just go ahead with the longer video anyway? (Yes)

Work's getting stagnant again.
All the rush for the deadline that never was.
Today (the day we're supposed to submit our drawings), Cat tells me we actually have another week or so before handing up the working drawings.
Wtf? Really, wtf!