Lately, I feel... weird. I don't know if its because I've been so busy that I never talk to anyone anymore, and when I finally do, it feels like I've lost that... connection with people. Like I'm speaking in a completely different language. It scares me a little. I think I've never felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. And I feel myself retreating and becoming more.... introverted. Books are pretty much my only solace now.

I'm tired of telling people the same thing. "What are you doing? Oh, rushing for assignment". "Are you free for lunch? Ah, I can't. I've got class till late." or "Sorry, I gotta finish a bunch of drawings.". I'd give alot to be able to say yes. To be able to go out anytime I feel like it. Some people have asked me if that was an excuse for not wanting to hang out. And it makes me mad. I don't think I'd have to resort to lying just because I don't want to go out. Even though I know after a while, it begins to sound like one.
I wish people would understand. Design isn't like math, or science. If you know where to look and if you know the formula, the answer is there. A few hours max, and you're done with everything. With design, if the ideas don't come, you have to do whatever it takes in order to come up with something. Hours and hours of research if you have to. There's no such thing as "party now, do work later" for us. Because there's always a freaking deadline. I have 2 design classes in a week. I spend the weekend preparing for tutorial on Monday. And then if I have to make changes, or improve, I spend the next 2 days rushing for class on Thursday. With all the other subjects in between, 48 hours is just not enough.

None of my subjects are the kind that you can get answers from books. Even with History, its not just about reading and memorizing names of buildings or dates of construction. You have to sit there and look at different pictures, read and analyze the buildings, its type of design and be able to tell the difference between one and another, and why. On the rare days that I do go out, I can never get rid of this guilty feeling that I'm out having fun when I should be home finishing up my work. I wish they would see from my point of view.