My heart feels funny lately.
Its normal one minute, and the next, my heart is thumping so hard, I can barely breathe. And I get irregular heartbeats sometimes.
Dad thinks its stress. I wonder if he's right.
I only know I'm feeling so restless lately.
Like there's nowhere I want to be, and I can't sit still.
And I can't help but keep thinking of.... ah, forget it.
That's the problem with my heart. It never listens to me.
It just goes on doing whatever it wants to, even when I'm screaming at it not to, and the only ending I get is disappointment or a trampled heart.

On the other hand, it seems that I have reached an important decision in my life.
Our internship requirements have changed from 3 months to 6, but because the contract we've signed with the uni was for 3 years, so that's still optional for my batch. After this, it will be compulsory.
The only catch is this; option A - if I take the 6 months internship, I don't have to hand in any portfolios or go for interviews and after I graduate, I will have to work for 2 years and keep a logbook of it after which, I can apply to be a registered Interior Architect.
Option B - If I take 3 months (I graduate earlier) but if I want to be registered, I will have to hand in portfolios, go for interviews if necessary blah blah. Basically, this alternative is fussier.
The question I keep asking myself is; do I want to continue staying here for another 2 years? Will it still be so easy to just pack up and leave? Won't I have already made commitments not only professionally, but personally, maybe?
My aunt and uncle have already agreed to take me in once I graduate, if I decide to move to Singapore to find a job. I know people keep telling me it won't be easy, but there are actually a lot of things I won't mind trying out, so really, its not that hard, right? And if I desired a job in the traveling field, my aunt said she had mentioned to her friends in the field that I am interested.
So, everything should be settled.
Except, option A is what my dad wants me to pick.
He seems to have pretty high hopes on me being registered, going on to do my Masters in Architecture, by this age you'll be blah blah blah..
Did I mention I hate it when people try to plan my life for me?
When people try to tell me what I should or should not do, it makes me even more intransigent.


I don't know if I want to graduate later. I don't know if I want to work here for 2 years.
Heck, I don't even know if this is what I want to keep doing.
And I used to be so sure of what I want.