Another Monday, another death

Spent the whole week in black, playing endless X Japan songs and watching endless X Japan videos, hoping I could engrave Taiji into my brain so that I would never forget him and the music he had created. I thought surely I would get over his death soon.

Apparently my mourning period will be extended.

I received Alex's text a while ago, asking me; "Isshi of Kagrra died???". Once again I made a mad dash to google this news. It's true and somehow even more shocking than hearing about Taiji's death. If anyone had asked me to make a guess on which j-rocker would pass away first, Isshi would never ever be on this list. Even Lyd agreed that (God forbid) Kyo would be a likelier candidate. The most shocking part would be that he died on the 18th and we only hear about it a week later. Call me dramatic, but as a fan, I feel cheated.

Kagrra, was one of the first bands I followed so religiously when I got into J-Rock so many years ago. Hearing that they disbanded last year was bad enough, but I still harbored hope for a miraculous comeback. Listening to Isshi's voice right now makes it so hard to believe that this is all I will have of him. I'll never hear him sing another new song and Kagrra, will never get back together again.

I'm wishing in vain, but at this moment I really hope someone would understand the depths of my sadness and regret. I don't know him personally, that's true, but I knew the music he created and knowing that this is the end of it leaves a huge hole in my heart.

I am hating Mondays with a vengeance.

I don't even want to leave my room now, and I'm supposed to meet Lyd and Chris. I am not in the mood for jokes and laughter.

RIP 一志

I'll mourn you forever.

the wall, the column

"The wall did well for man. In its thickness and its strength, it protected man against destruction. But soon, the will to look out made man make a hole in the wall, and the wall was pained, and said, "What are you doing to me? I protected you; I made you feel secure - and now you put a hole through me!" And man said, "But I see wonderful things, and I want to look out." And the wall felt very sad."

- Louis I. Kahn, Between Silence and Light

If one day, I could learn to express my thoughts so beautifully into words, I shall be very happy indeed.

this is a story of how Time had once again slipped by us silently and stolen our years

I knew there was a reason why I hated Mondays, and after today, I will have another reason to.

In the middle of a design tutorial, I suddenly got a message saying; "Taiji Sawada is dead."

That literally felt like a slap in the face.

This is not the kind of news I want to read about at 10am.

It brought to mind the time when I read about The Rev's death so many mornings ago.

I don't think I was even listening to what Mr Redz was saying after that. All I could think of was the fastest way to go online and finding out what happened.

And (surprisingly), this is the second suicide attempt of another X-Japan member. I really wasn't expecting that. First, Hide and now Taiji. Come to think of it, Hide probably had the better deal.

According to the news, Taiji was hospitalised for 3 days before he was certified brain-dead and had his life support turned off. 3 days he laid dying, and I (we) didn't know anything about it.

It feels quite unreal.

I must have had a weird look on my face because people asked what's wrong, and I wasn't sure how to respond. Sure, I could say "There's this band I loved for so many years, well, their bassist passed away", but those words don't even begin to do justice to the depths of my pain and I don't want to hear what anyone else has to say about it because I don't believe anyone would understand.

There was that one moment I was so crushed after I read the news, I don't think I could have described how I felt. And it was for a really selfish reason.

After having cancelled their Bangkok live 3 years ago, my hopes to ever see X-Japan had been close to 0. Only until they signed on a 3-year contract and then (much later) announced they'll go back to Bangkok again to perform that I begin to harbor hope again.

I had forgotten that Taiji was an ex member, and hearing that X-Japan's bassist had passed away, all I could think of was that X Japan would once again disband and how unfair it was that my dream to see them was revived just to be crushed for the second time in a row.

RIP Taiji :(

X is forever.

I came home from college in time to catch an unexpected Studio Ghibli anime on TV. Its one of the lesser known Ghibli production, called 耳をすませば or Whisper of the Heart, but it's just as awesome. For some reason, Ghibli animes never fail to make me feel nostalgic.

It brings to mind innocent feelings and long-forgotten childhood dreams.

Shizuku spends most of her time reading books borrowed from the library her dad works at, and discovers a name in the library card of every book she borrows (Amasawa Seiji). One day, she accidentally left a book on a bench and went back to find a guy reading it. Of course, said guy turns out to be Amasawa Seiji himself. Typical girl-meets-boy scenario, but coming from Ghibli, it's really not that corny. Quite "aww"-inducing, really. She doesn't know he's the guy till much later though, but watching/reading enough love stories, you'll definitely know.

One day, she met a cat on a train (no kidding) and follows it all the way to a mysterious antique shop. One can only wish we had adventures like this too. This is my favorite part; when she met the old man who owns the shop and he shows her a grandfather clock. He winds it and tells her a story of the King of Dwarves who fell in love with the Fairy Queen but they cannot be together as they live in different worlds. However, when the clock strikes every hour, they can meet.. and the clock slides open to reveal the King of Dwarves who stares longingly up at the Fairy Queen, who stares back, looking equally as sad. Then we find out the old man is Seiji's grandfather. We also find out that Seiji has actually known Shizuku for a long time and has been purposely checking out all the books from the library to get her attention. (Interesting...)

Anyway, I'm getting too carried away. The animation was, as usual, beautiful. The soundtrack is good too, though recognizably not by Joe Hisaishi. I loved the part when Seiji played the violin and Shizuku sang the Japanese version of 'Country Road'.

breathe.. breathe.. breathe!!

So, my new schedule is out.

And I have 4 days of class!! Even with just 2 subjects!

You know, when I saw my seniors in college last time, I used to long for the day when I, too, would be in my final year / final semester, because then I would have at least some free days during the week to work on Design (leaving me with at least some room to breathe during the weekend).

....

Clearly that's not going to happen.

That's not the worst part.. design's on Monday and Thursday.

I hate Design classes on Mondays.

Because then we would have presentation on Mondays, which automatically spells "dooms-day".

You can't find any place open for printing on Sunday, which means you have to (literally) kill yourself finishing the presentation boards to print on Saturday, then work on the model on Sunday. Of course, there are (ahem) some of us who takes the ultimate risk to print our boards on Monday morning, just minutes before the presentation.

Only to find out that the rest of your class have also decided to take that ultimate risk, and now the queue at the printer's is all jammed up and half the class is going to be late (that could be you).

Its quite nerve-wrecking, having presentation on Mondays.

Also it makes me miserable to know that I just spent the weekend working my ass off without sleep while everyone is out there enjoying their youth.