"How else can one threaten, other than with death?..."

... "The interesting, the original thing, would be to threaten someone with immortality."

-Jorge Luis Borges

I'm not sure if I can still describe how I felt at that moment, but one thing was certain.. it was truly a humbling experience to walk in and see my grandmother lying on that bed. The idea... the possibility of death couldn't have hit me any harder than that sight. I know, I know she's getting better. She's going to get better. And the tears I shed were not tears of sadness, they were of relief. They were also of regret, for when I see her as an old woman so weak and helpless, who still had to suffer the disdain of her so-called family day after day. The only thing she could look forward to was the next day, when she could see her daughters again. And when I am surrounded by family members, I can't help but think of her alone, in the room. There were so many things I wished I could do; ease her pain, take her away from everyone else, love her... but I too, am helpless. I can feel it in my heart, raging; trying to claw its way out.

It brought to mind my late grandfather in that same position so many years ago, when I was too young to understand the enormity of death. When I was told (and still believed) that they were only moving on to another place where they no longer had to bear the burden of their shell, and that I would be able to see them again, many many years later.

I'm not sure if I still believe in that.. but then, what else would we hold on to?