"you get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime."

How does one prepare themselves for the death of a loved one?

How, and when do we say our last goodbyes?

How would we know if every moment we have together is the last one, or if any moment we're away could be an opportunity missed to spend one last time to speak to each other, and laugh together?

I don't think I'm quite ready to let go yet.

Please stay for a while more.

This morning, they played a song on MTV that I haven't heard since I was 15.

I suppose that's the best part about old songs; when they're played, everything you ever thought of then suddenly comes rushing back to you.

"I never conquered, rarely came

16 just held such better days,

Days when I still felt alive,

We couldn't wait to get outside,

The world was wide, too late to try,

The tour was over, we'd survived

I couldn't wait till I got home

To pass the time in my room alone."

3:45

I don't know if its the coffee or the butterflies in my stomach, but I can't sleep.

Yet another presentation coming up on Thursday.

This would be my 3rd. And then there's another 3 presentations to go after.

These are the times when I feel like my life is measured between having presentations and not having presentations, being able to sleep and not being able to sleep.

Plans, elevations, sections by Monday, models by Thursday.

I couldn't think, so I escaped by being out the whole day. Coward, I know. I'm paying for it now.

I almost wish we didn't have to leave the coffee shop, because I can't bear to come home to... work.

Every time I get a random "what am I doing?" moment, I stop to think.. and find that my life is actually (really) made up of a series of ironic events. (Sitting at a desk for more than 10 hours can do that to a person).

I suddenly remembered a time when I was 9 years old, I (very self-righteously, I might add) told myself and my parents that I didn't want to be confined to a desk-job. I want to move around, go exploring... and well, just be free. And I thought being in the creative field would give me all that. For years, I've entertained ideas of doing interior, or maybe graphic, and even fashion design, really. They embodied what I thought was 'adventurous' and 'different'. I wouldn't even consider anything my Dad had picked for me; entrepreneurship, marketing, etc. (I told him the closest I would get to is (Fashion) Marketing and Management, in Raffles).

14 years later, I am in the creative field just like what I wanted, and somehow it has managed to chain me to the desk more effectively and even worse, painfully.. than (maybe) any other career paths my Dad had picked.

"Life has a way of making the foreseeable never happen, and the unforeseeable that which your life becomes."

True story.