なくてはならない人

That's what you are to me.

I thought there was a way for me to go on. I thought it was okay that you were leaving. I will move on and forget and learn to live without you. After all, I went through 24 years not knowing you. What's a dozen more years.. the rest of my life, without you? 

I was wrong.

And here I am, wishing with all my might that there was some way we could be together. 

Wishing, and only wishing, because there is nothing I can do.

Everything I know is wrong

They told me this isn't love, but who can tell me what love really is?

They told me I'll forget you, but you're already haunting my dreams.

They told me the distance between us is too great, but what tool do we use to measure feelings?

They told me people would never accept this, but are we living our lives, or theirs?

They told me I am wrong, but who's to say I'm not right?

They told me you're not who I think you are, but do I 'see' with my eyes or my ears?

They told me to let go, but I'm not the one holding on to you.

You are the one who's not letting go of my heart.

What happens when you feel too much?

I hate that I can no longer read. I haven't read in a long while. I hate that I no longer feel the calmness that reading brings; the feeling of everything else fading into blessed silence as the words consume me. I can no longer see the words in front of me. It's like I'm blind to everything else but you.

I'm writing this for you

That moment which I had feared for 8 months has finally come, and still I felt the pinch when you told me. And I feel like I need to start preparing for your inevitable departure. I need to stay away, I need to get used to not seeing you, not speaking to you... It would be better if I am happy with the way things are right now, nothing more and nothing less. But like anyone else, I'm greedy. I want more. I want days and nights with you, I want to see you when I want to see you, I want to talk to you all the time, I wanna know what you like and what you don't like. I wanna know when you're unhappy and I want you to tell me about it. I wanna know what makes you smile and I'll do it just to see you smile. I want you to know how I feel but I'm afraid you won't return the feelings, or worse, you do but there's nothing we can do about it. But most of all, I want to stop thinking because nothing will ever come true, and I just want to bury my heart until I stop feeling for you.