Boo....

..what a killjoy to a good evening.
Pulling another all-nighter. 4th time this week, I think. As Mr Redzwan would say "At the end of the day, its passion that gets you through". Its pretty hard to feel passionate when you haven't seen your bed for a while. Actually, its pretty hard to feel anything except lethargy.
Reading some news online, I wonder if it really is true, what the ancient Mayans predicted. About the world coming to an end in 2012. That's 3 years away. A blink of an eye, or two. That makes me wonder, why are we trying so hard to chase after something that probably wouldn't matter? Sometimes, I think its so weird that a mere slip of paper could determine all our fates, whether we'd be rich or poor, successful or not. I don't think a degree proves anything other than the fact that we followed the "traditional" way just like everyone else, and went to college before making our way out into the world.
I don't know why life has to be such a routine. I get so tired of it sometimes. Am I'm the only one who feels this way? Everyone seems content to just follow along. Often, I want to do something spontaneous, like quit college, run away, whatever. Something to prove that I can break free of this monotonous life.
Of course, I'd give my dad a heart attack along the way.
Sometimes, I'm afraid to find out I lack the courage to break free.

Somebody..

..hates me.

After working on 3D Max again for 5 hours, I was just doing the finishing touches, like adjusting the camera and lighting and the bloody thing hung. IT HUNG!! And then closed by itself. And I DIDN'T BLOODY SAVE THE FILE!!

Do you know what this means?
Yes, I have to do it AGAIN.
Somebody really hates me.

Woke up at an ungodly hour of 830am today. On a weekend! Who does that? I don't wanna know. I'm beginning to hate A7X's Unholy Confessions because its my alarm ringtone. Drove to Joe's place for some help on 3D Max and found out he bought a hedgehog!

One rare picture, when he actually turned around, because my auto-focus flash caught his attention.

Its now 1am and I'm about to give up on 3Dmax soon. Yes, I'm still working on it, and True Blood showing on TV now (this is the real reason I stayed up so long).

Was reading Jingna's blog a while ago. She's this girl whose blog I stalk, her photographs are awesome. And coincidentally, she loves J-Rock and clothes from Alice Auaa and Moi Meme Moitie. Anyway, was reading a post she made a while ago, and she took a picture of this special guest pass she has for X-Japan's live! And now I'm emo.
I was supposed to see X-Japan live too! In Bangkok, January. I was already saving up for it, but then that incident had to happen, and the concert was canceled. They said postponed, but we all know its as good as canceled. I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is to catch X-Japan live. The fact that they even reunited in the first place, after all these years, is something close to a miracle (for me). And to have them come as close as Bangkok for a concert! They'll never be here again for another concert, and that's one more dream left unfulfilled.

'why do we love if love will die?'

Woke up to Michael Jackson playing loudly in the living room downstairs. These days, my mom is pretty obsessed with MTV for news and videos of Michael Jackson. And now, I'm sitting here watching MJ videos with my parents. There are some of my favorite songs like Ben, Man in the Mirror, Ghosts, Why and more. Watching the video of him singing Ben at the age of 14, for some reason, touched my heart and for the first time since hearing the news of his passing, I cried.

This is the situation. You die. Everyone mourns. A few years down the road, people will be like "Who?". And suddenly, its like you never existed in the first place. You've been wiped out from every single memory. And what happens to you? Nobody knows. The fact that a person can cease to exist is what scares me. Is there really such a thing as reincarnation, or do people make that up just to make themselves feel better about dying?

If only..

...there's more than 24 hours a day.

Yesterday sucked. You'd think after all the sleepless nights, I deserve a good half hour nap. Woke up to this pain in my ribs (or that general area). Ignoring it didn't work, and it got worse. Skipped Minor and called Dad. He sped back and drove me to see the doctor, something I haven't done in a very long time. Doctor says I'm apparently showing signs of depression (I'm not kidding), and eating disorder leading to frequent gastric problems. Hence, the pain? Basically, she said I should chill out and not be stressed.
Easier said than done.


My ribs are still hurting.

Its 6am now and I think I've gotten past feeling sleepy. In a little while, I'll be able to watch the sun rise. That's one of the little 'luxuries' of doing Design, I guess; being able to watch the sun rise every morning. I finally finished my presentation board and leaflet design, and Gulliver.

It turns out, my Jappy exam is next Tuesday! HOLYMOTHEROFDUCKS. I thought it was in 2 weeks time. I don't think I have the time to study. Plus, I'm way behind on the kanji. I think I have to skip Malaysian Studies again. Its not like I even pay attention anyway.