Weekend

Went to GC at Sepang with college friends. I don't know whats all the hoo-haa about the place (from said college friends). Looks pretty normal to me.

Addicted to you.

Woke up this morning at 11, and the first thing that came into my mind was "Oh crap, I'm late!". For what, I have no idea. I bounced off my bed before realising its weekend. I think its all the mental stress from a mountain of assignments.

I realised I've been so busy, I stopped updating myself with J-rock news. If Alex-san didn't tell me about it, I really wouldn't know that GazettE has a new album out! Stayed back after Jappy class for a long J-rock update with Alex-san and Jay-san.
the GazettE's album [Dim] is awesome. Tony, if you're reading this, go download it!!! Or if you already know, ignore me. [Dim] features some pretty awesome music, and the music arrangement seriously rocks *_*. Ruki's voice is so pretty, it still makes my inner fangirl scream. I can't believe Jay-san saw them live in Japan! They have this song called 13STAIRS [-] 1.
The answer is 12.
The Peace & Smile Carnival 2009 DVD is out too. the GazettE boys are wearing hakama! Its a traditional Japanese clothing. And they look really hot. Shin (kagrra,) is playing the koto for Utakata!

I'm really into this J-Rock band, called 9GOATS BLACKOUT. Thats the band name. Not kidding.
Falling in love with J-Rock all over again.

Tim Burton!

Tim Burton will be having an exhibition in New York's Museum of Modern Art in November 22, 2009!!

MoMA claims the exhibition will also "bring together over 700 examples of rarely or never-before-seen drawings, paintings, storyboards, moving-image works, puppets, maquettes, costumes, and cinematic ephemera, and includes an extensive film series spanning Burton's 27-year career."

Yes, this is the Tim Burton, who is the awesomest producer/director/artist/writer/whatever (IMO). I've seen every single one of his movies! Can't wait for his new movies. I wonder how much is a plane ticket to New York? And the exhibition? Is there time to save up?
This piece of news totally made my day :)

http://www.timburton.com/

Do visit his site! You have to navigate Stain Boy to get around the site. Its brilliant.

Whatever comes after I'm-so-bloody-tired-I-would-kill-someone-just-to-sleep, that's how I feel right now. Went over to Chris' house yesterday night to do my design and only managed to finish it at about 10am this morning. 13 hours of drawing, drawing, more drawing and photoshop. Was late for the presentation, so I had to speed to the printers to get my board printed and speed back to college. If I'm ever involved in a road accident, we all know why. And I can't believe that piece of A1 cost me 30 bucks! Not only do designers have a short lifespan, we're all broke too. Mr. R was briefing about our final project when I reached, and then he said, no, there won't be any presentation. He just wanted to evaluate our works ._. That 30 bucks piece of presentation lasted about 10 mins, and now its sitting useless at the back of my car.
Some of us had to stay back for tutorial on 'redeveloping' our design, and one of them happened to be me. Tutorial lasted till about 5pm, then finally, I drove home in a (less than) semi-conscious state. Reached home at 6 and had some good ol' maggi mee. Sad life I'm living.

I've got Technology midterm test tomorrow which I haven't studied for, and I have to see Mr R about my Minor development design, which I haven't done.

I'll tell you what I would like to do now though.


Sleep.

And....

..its 2:00am.

I'm really tired, but I promised Chris I'd call to wake her up at 2:30, so I'm gonna have to stay up for a while more. Currently doing my BQ. Thank you, Mr R, for not making us pass up both the presentation board and model this Thursday. I don't think I can cope with another week of all-nighters. As it is, I'm already going crazy.

I'm in a bad need of advice. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have stopped when I knew I couldn't cope. But its so hard to tell yourself to give up on something you've dreamt of for so long. I wanted it so badly then. Even now, I want it still. But my physical self is not agreeing. I'm so tired, every single bone in my body is aching. When I'm sleeping, I'd feel guilty, thinking about all my assignments still unfinished. I resemble a panda more than a person, and I've got no time for anything else anymore. I haven't talked to anyone outside of college for so long, we're all drifting apart. Even Lyd, whom I used to talk to every single day, we haven't spoken to each other for months. Except when I finally met her after Jappy class last Tuesday. And even then, I have to admit, for the first time, it felt weird. Because I haven't spoken to her for so long, I had no idea what to say anymore.

I want someone to tell me I should keep going, because I've already come this far ahead. But at the same time, I also want someone to reassure me and tell me its okay to quit, because I've tried so hard already. Not that I can really quit. Because the only way I can leave is to graduate.
So, I have to keep going, right?

Boo....

..what a killjoy to a good evening.
Pulling another all-nighter. 4th time this week, I think. As Mr Redzwan would say "At the end of the day, its passion that gets you through". Its pretty hard to feel passionate when you haven't seen your bed for a while. Actually, its pretty hard to feel anything except lethargy.
Reading some news online, I wonder if it really is true, what the ancient Mayans predicted. About the world coming to an end in 2012. That's 3 years away. A blink of an eye, or two. That makes me wonder, why are we trying so hard to chase after something that probably wouldn't matter? Sometimes, I think its so weird that a mere slip of paper could determine all our fates, whether we'd be rich or poor, successful or not. I don't think a degree proves anything other than the fact that we followed the "traditional" way just like everyone else, and went to college before making our way out into the world.
I don't know why life has to be such a routine. I get so tired of it sometimes. Am I'm the only one who feels this way? Everyone seems content to just follow along. Often, I want to do something spontaneous, like quit college, run away, whatever. Something to prove that I can break free of this monotonous life.
Of course, I'd give my dad a heart attack along the way.
Sometimes, I'm afraid to find out I lack the courage to break free.

Somebody..

..hates me.

After working on 3D Max again for 5 hours, I was just doing the finishing touches, like adjusting the camera and lighting and the bloody thing hung. IT HUNG!! And then closed by itself. And I DIDN'T BLOODY SAVE THE FILE!!

Do you know what this means?
Yes, I have to do it AGAIN.
Somebody really hates me.

Woke up at an ungodly hour of 830am today. On a weekend! Who does that? I don't wanna know. I'm beginning to hate A7X's Unholy Confessions because its my alarm ringtone. Drove to Joe's place for some help on 3D Max and found out he bought a hedgehog!

One rare picture, when he actually turned around, because my auto-focus flash caught his attention.

Its now 1am and I'm about to give up on 3Dmax soon. Yes, I'm still working on it, and True Blood showing on TV now (this is the real reason I stayed up so long).

Was reading Jingna's blog a while ago. She's this girl whose blog I stalk, her photographs are awesome. And coincidentally, she loves J-Rock and clothes from Alice Auaa and Moi Meme Moitie. Anyway, was reading a post she made a while ago, and she took a picture of this special guest pass she has for X-Japan's live! And now I'm emo.
I was supposed to see X-Japan live too! In Bangkok, January. I was already saving up for it, but then that incident had to happen, and the concert was canceled. They said postponed, but we all know its as good as canceled. I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is to catch X-Japan live. The fact that they even reunited in the first place, after all these years, is something close to a miracle (for me). And to have them come as close as Bangkok for a concert! They'll never be here again for another concert, and that's one more dream left unfulfilled.

'why do we love if love will die?'

Woke up to Michael Jackson playing loudly in the living room downstairs. These days, my mom is pretty obsessed with MTV for news and videos of Michael Jackson. And now, I'm sitting here watching MJ videos with my parents. There are some of my favorite songs like Ben, Man in the Mirror, Ghosts, Why and more. Watching the video of him singing Ben at the age of 14, for some reason, touched my heart and for the first time since hearing the news of his passing, I cried.

This is the situation. You die. Everyone mourns. A few years down the road, people will be like "Who?". And suddenly, its like you never existed in the first place. You've been wiped out from every single memory. And what happens to you? Nobody knows. The fact that a person can cease to exist is what scares me. Is there really such a thing as reincarnation, or do people make that up just to make themselves feel better about dying?

If only..

...there's more than 24 hours a day.

Yesterday sucked. You'd think after all the sleepless nights, I deserve a good half hour nap. Woke up to this pain in my ribs (or that general area). Ignoring it didn't work, and it got worse. Skipped Minor and called Dad. He sped back and drove me to see the doctor, something I haven't done in a very long time. Doctor says I'm apparently showing signs of depression (I'm not kidding), and eating disorder leading to frequent gastric problems. Hence, the pain? Basically, she said I should chill out and not be stressed.
Easier said than done.


My ribs are still hurting.

Its 6am now and I think I've gotten past feeling sleepy. In a little while, I'll be able to watch the sun rise. That's one of the little 'luxuries' of doing Design, I guess; being able to watch the sun rise every morning. I finally finished my presentation board and leaflet design, and Gulliver.

It turns out, my Jappy exam is next Tuesday! HOLYMOTHEROFDUCKS. I thought it was in 2 weeks time. I don't think I have the time to study. Plus, I'm way behind on the kanji. I think I have to skip Malaysian Studies again. Its not like I even pay attention anyway.