stalking Yoshiki's official twitter..

YOSHIKI AND STAN LEE COLLABORATION ON A NEW COMIC!!!
OHMYHOLYDUCKSSOFCKINGAWESOME!
Please let it be real.

Gah, I'm sorry... even Matt says I've been cursing too much lately. And usually, my profanities just roll over his back.
I told him I'm beginning to realise how good it feels to curse.

I am still waiting (anxiously) for the X-Japan news Yoshiki said he would announce (since yesterday).
Please, please, please let it be good.
I'm just sitting here with my heart in my hands.
And I'm chanting "No disbanding, please".
Everyone's still so awesome! Pata and Heath (so fcking gorgeous), Yoshiki still rocks his drums and piano, Sugizo is an awesome 6th member, and Toshi can still sing!
Please don't let X disband.

she asked, how beautiful do I have to be?

I think I spend too much time admiring people. For what they do, for what they represent, for their talents, for their achievements.. too much to begin thinking about how I can make myself better too.
Yoshiki, for his music.
Neil Gaiman, for his words.
Tim Burton, for his creativity.
Jingna, for her talent in photography.
Yoshitaka Amano, for his art.

In my dream, he asked me "what is that one thing you want to do?", and I hid because I didn't know the answer. I don't know what I want to do. There are too many. I find I can't concentrate on one when there are so many things I would like to pursue.. And he said "music. you like music. why did you stop playing the piano?".... I don't remember much about the dream after that. I only remember the part about the piano. And the reason I stopped was because it was getting hard, and I was getting too frustrated with myself. Because I was different. Everyone was good in sight-reading. I was terrible at it. While everyone was practising a music piece flawlessly, I was struggling, hesitating because I couldn't read notes as fast. The only thing I knew was once I managed to play the full song at least once, I can somehow remember the entire piece without ever having to look at the scores again. And while everyone had to keep reading notes, I could play the song just as flawlessly without having to look. The hardest part though, was getting through the torture of note-reading.
It seems that my strength would forever be at odds with everyone else around me. While everyone could have wonderful designs and sketches, they couldn't write about their concepts and ideas to get their visions across. And lecturers tell me, I wrote about my concept and explained my ideas well, but they can't seem to see it in my drawings. In a History group project, the lecturer complimented everyone on their painting and drawings, but told me that my article on the history and background of the temple was really interesting and 'made her want to know more'. And that made me want to knock my head against the wall, because I'm majoring in design and not journalism or mass comm!
Yung says I give up too easily. The moment I deem something too hard or complicated, the moment I had to really put myself out there, I give up and hide. Old habits die hard, I guess. People can take the spotlight, the attention, I'm fine standing in the shadows. Is that why everything seems to have passed me by?
I want to do something about this. I want to stop looking up to people and look at myself instead.


I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.
-Sylvia Plath

we're not meant to last

So, after Wednesday, I woke up with 2 fresh bruises on my legs and my body feeling like it aged 30 years without letting me know. Waist and back were hurting and I walked like an 80-year old.
I am getting old.
Oh Lord.
Or it could be the lack of exercise.

I'm starting to hear (loud) CNY songs everywhere, and I'm finally feeling slightly excited.
CNY (still) brings back memories of my late grandparents. I can't believe its been 3 years(?) already.
The excitement in the morning of the first day of CNY.. waking up to the smell of incense burning and CNY songs blaring from the TV, eagerly dressing up in brand-new clothes and impatiently waiting to go to OUG to meet everyone else has faded. The only thing that is still the same is waking up to the smell of incense and loud songs, but I wonder if that would fade too, someday.
There seemed to be little point in dressing up when you're just going to sit at home, watching re-runs of old chinese movies.
And now we're all making plans to go somewhere else instead, because nobody goes back to OUG now.
An old shell of how everything used to be.
Is this the price to pay to grow up?

The guy who made Peter Pan knew what he was talking about. After all, Peter Pan is the 'boy who never grew up'.

how will you give something beautiful to the world?

How much does a man live, after all?
Does he live a thousand days, or one only?
For a week, or for several centuries?
How long does a man spend dying?
What does it mean to say 'for ever'?

-Book of Questions, Pablo Neruda


His works are really inspiring, to me. I want to be able to write like that too.

when all else fails there's always delusions

Talking to Lyd and she said "Yoshiki showed up for the Golden Globe Awards."
And I missed it! I wonder if they have reruns only on the red carpet ceremony-whatever you wanna call it?
Trust me when I say I've never seen Yoshiki (or any other important) Japanese people(musicians/bands) on TV.
Mtv is too mainstream now. Everytime I turn on the TV, I see the same people, almost similar songs.
You'd think there aren't any other (better) musicians left to play.
I want to throw something at the next person who ask me if I listen to Bieber.

I've been wanting to watch Black Swan for a while now. Why isn't anyone seeding it? T.T
And while my parents and I are making plans for a trip, I just realise this CNY I won't have to stay at home slaving over submissions anymore *cheer*
You have no idea just how happy I am.
Also got an unexpected mail from my aunt.
Keeping my fingers crossed for good news....please let it be good.

Yoshiki and Stan Lee!

when the city burned down we ran to the forest and promised never to build again

Apparently, the only way to keep my curls.. well, curly.. is to slap on a lot of the sculpting gel which makes my hair... hard, for the lack of a better word.
Also, I cannot assume any other sleeping positions except for the coffin position (flat on your back, hands on your stomach) for fear of waking up with crazy curls.
At least now my hair has a reason to look messy.

Minor submission coming right up.
I don't really see how I'm going to find the time to make a model complete with branding + taglines by Friday.
Other than that, this week's gonna be good because I'll only be working 2 days *cheer*
There's a SABE gathering in uni this Wednesday, which gives me an excuse to get a full day off (with salary deducted, of course.. but what the heck, at least I get to sleep in).
But 1. there will be a pool tug-of-war match-off (Interior vs. Architecture, I think) and I've seen the other students who are mostly dudes twice our size and my semester consists of 9 girls and.... 3 guys. We have decided to try our luck in winning the Best Fall into the Pool category instead.
And 2. every semester are expected to perform, and we(they) picked singing.... songs that I DO NOT like. Miley Cyrus... really. Chris actually asked Mr. Redz (who will be playing guitar) if he knows any High School Musical songs. He replied "Are you trying to ruin my reputation?"
I so regret this..

なぜ人は星空を美しいと感じるのか？

A belated (and really unexpected) Christmas present came to me last week.
A month ago, I was looking through back issues of the 大人の科学 magazine when I saw that they had a Pinhole Planetarium issue. Well, basically its an issue about planets and stars(!).
But then I realise that the issue was out in 2005.
My colleague/new friend, Kenny was nice enough to go down to Kino on that day to ask, with no luck of course.
I wasn't really expecting that they'd still have it since its been out more than 5 years ago.

Then.... one day, Kenny came up to me and said while he was at Kino during the weekend, some dude recognised him and told him that they actually have one last copy of that issue!!

Guess who has a Pinhole Planetarium now? :D
This present now rivals with my Kino shopping spree in Singapore as the best present EVER.
I can't wait to fix it.

source: OtonanoKagaku.net

that sweet far thing i call you

And things are off at a boring start.
I must say, I'm bored with work and this is not even a real job yet.
Maybe I'm really not the kind to sit idly in the office. It was fun at first, but got old really fast.
Yet, there doesn't seem to be much interesting things to do in the office.
I just remembered, my 2010 resolution was to start piano again, which I kinda did but then college caught up with me and I stopped (again).
I wonder if I will ever fully take it up again.
That will be my 2011 resolution (again x3).

Last week, a colleague came up to me in the pantry and (randomly) asked "Have you heard [Justin] Bieber's new song?"
And (I'd like to think) I gave him a horrified look and said "Why would I know? I don't even like that kinda songs."
He said "Oh really? I just thought you looked like the type..."
And I was like "What? A paedoephile?"
He did not get it though.
What kinda vibes am I sending out to these people?

semester 5.5

And so begins my (half) college life.
My weekends will now be spent doing assignments.
The furniture design class I was (sorta) looking forward to didn't work out.
Instead, we're doing advertising + promotion (part 2) again.
But we are having Mr Redzwan again for our lecturer, so I'm not complaining.
Site visits include night market trip this weekend, and a trip to SPCA. Awesome possum!
Had a chat with him after class to catch up, and found out semester 4 + 5's design theme this time is slightly radical; mental hospital/psycho ward, under him, Mr David(!) and 2 others. With Mr Redz leading this project, I'm thinking Batman + Arkham Asylum-style *_*
SO FUN.

Also found out our final semester will be starting in July instead of June.
On one hand, we get a longer break after internship.
On the other, we also end later.
So bye bye, autumn trip.
But Yung says we can go during winter instead :D
O_O SNOW!
At least I hope so. It didn't snow at all when Shyung + Yung were there.
Still, I hope it turns out.

'fragile things'

"It seemed like a fine title for a book of short stories. There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts."
-Neil Gaiman

I would like to think that because I wished so hard, BookXcess finally brought in Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things. I have mentioned before that I wanted that book for a long time now. What are the chances of it being another coincidence, along with every other post that I made about wishing for something and getting it? Is it too obnoxious to say that I eventually do get what I wish for?
Maybe its because I wish for such simple things that they are easily fulfilled.

New Year's was a quiet affair for me, just the way I wanted it to be.
I also thought it would be good to blog about The Rev's 1st death anniversary on Jan 1st.
I can't imagine how it must feel to lose your very best friend, almost a brother.


"To wait is not merely to remain impassive. It is to expect--to look for with patience, and also with submission. It is to long for, but not impatiently; to look for, but not to fret at the delay; to watch for, but not restlessly; to feel that if he does not come, we will acquiesce, and yet to refuse to let the mind acquiesce in the feeling that he will not come."
-Dr A.B. Davidson