Time

It's been too long since I wrote something.. anything here.
Feels like the last two months literally flew by with working overtime, planning work events, working during weekends and not having enough time to myself. Everyday there were incidents and things in my head I wanted to write about but never could find the time. And then I realise, I use that sentence a lot. Well, everyone uses that a lot too, but they're not my problem now, are they?

When I look around myself, I see so many things, half-done, in my life because I "never could find the time" to complete them.

I never could find the time to search for a new job, and yet I keep thinking I need to, want to leave this one soon (who am I kidding? I ended up staying another year).

I never could find the time to continue the knitting I started, and it's just sitting on my pile of books (yep, I started knitting.. I call it my 'quiet time').

I never could find the time to scout for new piano classes again (I actually really want to finish Grade 6-7-8).

I never could find the time to start sketching, even though I keep telling myself I need to get into that habit again.

The list goes on.

There's this road I take to go home everyday, and along that road, there is (what looked like) an abandoned land; just overgrown grass everywhere and lots of rubbish. When I was stuck in a traffic jam the other day, I started looking around my surroundings, and suddenly I realise there's this brand spanking new building sitting on that piece of land, newly painted, with 'For Sale' advertisements everywhere... and the first thing I thought was, "Exactly how much time has passed? And why haven't I noticed this before? The construction works and everything. I should've noticed!" It felt like I was on auto-pilot all along. I was putting off so many things because I couldn't find the time, and I'm just stuck here, going through the motions and being unable to break away. I use that word a lot too, "stuck". Which I am! If life is a roller coaster ride, I'm stuck and all I really want to do is get off and go on another ride. Problem is, do I just leap off or what? I'll tell you, it's tempting. Many people have woken up and realised they were not content to be on the same ride forever. They just leap off and went on to something new. The question is, am I brave enough for that?

That's probably why I'm sitting here, in the middle of the night, writing this.

Man, I have real depressing 'self-realization' thoughts at night.

On a happier note, there's two weeks left to Japan. More on that next time.