Not having to hear A7x's Unholy Confessions blaring in my ear damn early in the morning for once = most awesome feeling everr!
Waking up at 1pm comes a close second.
Critique on Thursday was awesome... in a way. Everyone was early and all pinned-up by the time 1pm rolled around, so the lecturers were happy and as Ms Ida says "Happy teacher, happy marks".
Not so awesome part = I'm still in the middle ground and/or safe zone.
Why, oh why?
After that, my first thought was to speed home and pass out.
Except we had to go out for dinner to celebrate Johnson's birthday.
And hey, when someone shifts the date just for you, you don't say no.
Went to Nikko's place and conked out there instead.
For a while, at least.
Dinner at this place called Kaki Corner. Ugh.
I have nothing against roadside eateries, but I usually avoid them at all costs because that's where the cockroaches usually come out to play.
So basically, I sat there for about 3 hours keeping my eyes on the ground, ready to leap away at the first movement. And sure enough, after a while, I spotted 3 running around the road and another 1 behind this unsuspecting girl's chair. I kept my feet aboveground after that.

If I could rid the world of one thing, it wouldn't be killers, rapists or animal hunters. It would, without a doubt, be cockroaches.
Yes, I'm selfish that way!

We've been "only just" surviving for so long, it has become a lifestyle for us.
I've gotten used to it, and I don't mind. I don't complain.
I never needed a lot, (most probably) never will.
I don't have any extravagant tastes or hobbies.
My only interests are books, and my Jappy class.
Now, even more than ever, I have to cut down on one, and quit the other.
And as selfish as it may sound, I really don't want to have to give up on either.
I feel like that's all I have.
I've given up on piano before. And occasionally, when I think about it, I still regret making that decision.
And this is when I begin to feel resentful.
Are things never to get better?
They always do, for a while, and that gives us hope.
And just as fast, that hope is taken away, and we're back to the same.
I've sacrificed, I've given up on things I want, I've gone through the toughest times and I've done everything I could (at risk to my own health even) yet, it all amounts to nothing.
Which leaves me to think, its never going to get better.
We'll just have to go on like this.

Oh, the horror of rumors and/or jokes.
A harmless joke among a bunch of friends suddenly turned real, and I happen to be smack right in the middle of it. Why me?
I've got no time for this!

Lately, I've been obsessed with a person I barely even know.
Only because it seems like we have stuff in common.
And I'm thinking "Oh, finally~..."
Trust me, being in a college where everyone only speaks Mandarin and thinks Metallica is an 'anime' is pure torture most of the time sometimes.
They also can't stand loud, screamy (optional) music either (the way I like mine) so its safe to say we have nothing in common.
I draw the line at having to speak in chinese everyday to suit everyone.
Basically, we all make good friends in class, but out of it, I doubt we click so much.
Anyway, I don't care about that or anything else right now. I just want to finish this semester without breaking down and hopefully I can use that 6 months of internship to SLEEP.
At least, earlier than 5am.

There is something I need to change about myself.
Which I will, from this day forth!

The last 2 days have been busy, in a relaxing way which is what I need.
Attended my brother's convocation on Saturday with Mom because Dad had a last minute appointment. We stayed for a really short while, because apparently to my brother, a foosball competition was way more important than his graduation. He made some excuse to leave right after he received his cert, which was only 15 minutes into the ceremony. Lyd picked me up to go to the BlackLineEffort, then dinner at Central Market. I wish more effort was put into promoting Annexxe Gallery. I think the galleries are so nice, but it is quite literally unknown, half the shops look like they have been left abandoned and the building (in my opinion) was not kept in a good condition. What a waste. I wish Malaysia would put more effort into promoting their arts and crafts (because isn't that what we're supposed to be famous for? You know, Batik and such) and also conserving their old buildings (we drove past and saw the wreck they made at Pudu Jail).
Again, I say, what a waste.

Dim sum with Form 6 friends yesterday. And yet again, I ask, why do people always doubt me when I say I'm busy? It is frustrating to talk when everything you say just rolls off everyone's back. So, I give up. I shall never venture into the topic of my unbelievably insane schedule when I'm with them, because there's no point. Was supposed to watch Inception after but GS couldn't get the tickets, so we decided to watch Salt instead. That is, until my guilty conscience kicked in 5 seconds later, and I bailed out on the movie to go home and work on my plans. And again, everyone and their "Oh, you can't even spare half a day to hang out with us?.. Aiyo, alot of excuses la... You can't be that busy!"
Yes, I can actually.

Well, I am back from Malacca.
Full day ahead of schedule, and alone.
Damned heart.

During dinner at M yesterday, my heart acted up again. Irregular heartbeats.
As we left, it suddenly started racing and I couldn't breathe.
That was when PS called, and I couldn't even string a sentence together without gasping for breath. I don't even know what I had actually said to her.
It didn't help that I started crying and I guess that was when everyone realized something's wrong, the next few minutes were a big hoo-haa as everyone crowded around, which made breathing worse. My hands and stomach started feeling cold and numb, and my nose was blocked.
My mind totally blanked and I started panicking.
I remember being ushered into a taxi, sent to the clinic, and the doctor suggested I go to the hospital for overnight observation and a heart check-up.
Met my lecturers back at the hotel, they suggested I go to the hospital too. They called my parents and my Dad nearly had a heart attack.
All he said was "I'm coming to get you now." He was not kidding.
Also, my lecturer thinks I'm too stressed, and postponed Monday's presentation to Thursday.
(While I am secretly happy) I'm still worried though.
I wonder what is wrong.

My heart feels funny lately.
Its normal one minute, and the next, my heart is thumping so hard, I can barely breathe. And I get irregular heartbeats sometimes.
Dad thinks its stress. I wonder if he's right.
I only know I'm feeling so restless lately.
Like there's nowhere I want to be, and I can't sit still.
And I can't help but keep thinking of.... ah, forget it.
That's the problem with my heart. It never listens to me.
It just goes on doing whatever it wants to, even when I'm screaming at it not to, and the only ending I get is disappointment or a trampled heart.

On the other hand, it seems that I have reached an important decision in my life.
Our internship requirements have changed from 3 months to 6, but because the contract we've signed with the uni was for 3 years, so that's still optional for my batch. After this, it will be compulsory.
The only catch is this; option A - if I take the 6 months internship, I don't have to hand in any portfolios or go for interviews and after I graduate, I will have to work for 2 years and keep a logbook of it after which, I can apply to be a registered Interior Architect.
Option B - If I take 3 months (I graduate earlier) but if I want to be registered, I will have to hand in portfolios, go for interviews if necessary blah blah. Basically, this alternative is fussier.
The question I keep asking myself is; do I want to continue staying here for another 2 years? Will it still be so easy to just pack up and leave? Won't I have already made commitments not only professionally, but personally, maybe?
My aunt and uncle have already agreed to take me in once I graduate, if I decide to move to Singapore to find a job. I know people keep telling me it won't be easy, but there are actually a lot of things I won't mind trying out, so really, its not that hard, right? And if I desired a job in the traveling field, my aunt said she had mentioned to her friends in the field that I am interested.
So, everything should be settled.
Except, option A is what my dad wants me to pick.
He seems to have pretty high hopes on me being registered, going on to do my Masters in Architecture, by this age you'll be blah blah blah..
Did I mention I hate it when people try to plan my life for me?
When people try to tell me what I should or should not do, it makes me even more intransigent.


I don't know if I want to graduate later. I don't know if I want to work here for 2 years.
Heck, I don't even know if this is what I want to keep doing.
And I used to be so sure of what I want.

Is it possible to fall in love with a person you barely even know, and the only thing you did was read what that person wrote?
A purely theoretical question, of course.
I've been reading a book (yes, I'm procrastinating and I'm going to hate myself for it very soon) and it was a case of 2 persons who began corresponding through letters, not knowing who the other was.
It sounds normal, but the twists were good and I devoured the book in 4 hours.
Of course, design was left untended.
That's why I'm going to hate myself later.

I guess I can actually see that happening though. The world is such that people can be pretentious in the things they do, or what they say, if that was what they think you expect of them. I think writing on the other hand, requires the baring of a soul, in some way. If you didn't feel it, could you write it? I guess words and sentences to a writer is like what paint is to an artist. I've always felt an affinity with words because they tell me so much more about a person than a person would.
I've always thought it was weird that people would say reading is boring. Everyone listens to songs, don't they? Not instrumentals, but songs with lyrics. And what are lyrics if not words? Shorter, yes, but words all the same and they tell a story too.
If reading is boring, then I can only conclude that every song ever written must be boring too.
And don't say its because you like the melody. The melody is only a starter to the main course of lyrics.